Safe Before Happy: Helping Your Dog Feel Secure
This might sound harsh and unpopular, but when my dog is struggling, I don’t necessarily treat the moment like a chance to make them happy right away.
My first job is to help them feel safe where they are, safe in me and to help them regulate their emotions. Safe enough to calm down and relax, for their nervous system to FEEL ok again.
Why Safety Comes First
A happy dog can wag their tail and look playful, but happiness without a sense safety and security does not last.
If I try to make my dog happy when they are upset, I might see them change fast—but it won’t be stable. They will still be stressed inside and that happiness will be short lived and feel irrelevant to any sensations of fear, insecurity and lack of trust.
Safety and emotional regulation are different:
Safe and well regulated means calm, steady, grounded. It builds trust, stability, and resilience.
Happy means quick, joyful, but it is fleeting. The stress comes back fast, and the dog needs more and more from me to settle again.
What This Looks Like in Real Life
When my dog is scared, I don’t jump into fun games or treats just to distract them.
Instead, I sit with them. I help them relax. I let them know they are not alone. I might create space for them physically by increasing the distance from the trigger. I might talk to them, pat them, massage them and yes, sometimes use food.
This takes longer. It is harder work. But it teaches my dog that I am reliable, steady, and safe. Over time, they learn to regulate their emotions better.
Why This Matters for Dog Training in Sydney
Many families I work with in Sydney want quick results. They want a dog that is happy right away. But true dog training is not only about obedience or fast fixes. It’s about emotional health.
If we don’t focus on our dogs emotional health and we put our emphasis on happiness and fleeting moments of happiness instead, then we never actually address the underlying reasons so many dogs are struggling in the first place. Meaning we have to re-address the training problem again and again, because it was never truly addressed in the first place.
A dog that feels safe and well regulated will:
Trust you more deeply
Bounce back from stress faster
Need less “rescue” in the long run
Grow into a calmer, more stable companion
This is the kind of training that lasts.
Final Thought
Helping your dog feel safe is like building the foundation of a house. Happiness will come—but safety and calm come first.
👉 If you live in Sydney and need support with dog training, behaviour, or emotional regulation, I can help. Book a call with Bondi Behaviourist today
