What Socialisation Really Means (And Why Most of Us Are Getting It Wrong)

I’ve never met a dog owner who doesn’t know that socialising is important. But I’ve also rarely met one who actually understands what socialisation really is.

Most people assume socialisation means exposure…
“Get them around lots of dogs.”
“Let them meet as many people as possible.”
“Take them to the dog park often.”

But what if I told you:

A truly socialised dog is not the one who wants to greet everyone — it’s the one who doesn’t feel the need to.

Because real socialisation has nothing to do with how many dogs yours interacts with. It has everything to do with how calmly they exist around others.

The True Definition of Socialisation

Socialisation is helping your dog build a tolerance of others in and around their personal space — without becoming anxious, overly excited, or feeling a need to control the interaction.

That means:

✔ Feeling safe around dogs and people
✔ Being able to co-exist calmly without greeting
✔ Reading other dogs’ signals and responding appropriately
✔ Respecting space, instead of rushing in or shutting down

A social dog doesn’t need to greet everyone. A socially anxious dog might try to.

Signs Your Dog Is Not Fully Comfortable (Yet)

Here are common behaviours that tell us a dog is experiencing social pressure — not social joy:

🚩 1. Pulling toward every dog or person to greet

Often mistaken for friendliness — but it’s usually information-seeking.
They don’t feel comfortable until they “check in”.

🚩 2. Hesitant, skittish, or evasive when approached

This dog isn't unsociable — they're overwhelmed.
“I’m not ready for this closeness yet.”

🚩 3. Becomes tense, rigid, or still when others approach

Not “dominance” — but uncertainty and mistrust.
They’re asking: “Are you safe?”

🚩 4. Rolls onto their back (“submissive”) when approached

Often misunderstood as “cute” or “friendly.” But usually, it’s an appeasement signal:
“I feel too much social pressure — please don’t come closer.”

🚩 5. Excessive licking, bouncing, or intense appeasing during greeting

This is emotional overcompensation — trying too hard to keep things safe or calm.
Just like a nervous talker who says too much.

🚩 6. Your dog stops when another dog is walking towards them on a footpath. Sometimes making themselves small and sometimes springing up when they finally get there.

This one is often a missunderstood one. Often people think "they're waiting to see their friend" or even "they are stalking them like a lion".
But break down what they actually did....
1. They stopped moving towards the other dog.
2. They made themselves small and non threatening when the dog continued walking towards them.
3. They either roll on their back for reasons described above or they jolt up to stop the other dog moving in their tracks.
They wanted space, they were communicating this but our missenterpretation can lead to too much social pressure.

Common Mistakes People Make When Socialising

❌ Letting their dog greet everyone they see
❌ Thinking quantity of interactions = better socialisation
❌ Believing play is the only form of socialisation
❌ Ignoring when their dog wants space
❌ Flooding their dog in busy group settings (too much pressure)
❌ Mistaking overstimulation for happiness
❌ Only practising interaction — not calm coexistence

What Healthy Socialisation Actually Looks Like

✔ Calm, polite, emotionally regulated
✔ Comfortable walking past other dogs, not just towards them
✔ Able to read and respond to social cues
✔ Understands that not every dog or human is available for interaction
✔ Practices one-on-one interactions before group environments
✔ Takes breaks, decompresses, and resets emotional state
✔ Can observe calmly without reacting

True socialisation is about helping your dog feel safe around others — not dependent on them.

The Goal: Neutrality, Not Hyper-Sociability

The most socially skilled dogs are not always the most social seeking dogs. They are the most socially aware, emotionally regulated, and respectful dogs.

They can greet when appropriate.
They can ignore when appropriate.
They can choose calm over chaos.

The most socialised dog is not the one who wants to greet everyone — it’s the one who doesn't need to.

The Takeaway

True socialisation isn’t about exposure — it’s about emotional safety.
It’s not about making your dog “friendly.”
It’s about helping your dog feel calm, secure, and socially appropriate in the presence of others.

It’s not about creating the dog who plays with everyone.
It’s about creating the dog who can, but doesn’t feel they must.

A well-socialised dog is not the one who seeks social interaction — it’s the one who doesn’t need to.

Want Support Teaching This?

If your dog is overstimulated, overly appeasing, or constantly seeking interaction, it’s not “bad behaviour” — it’s communication.

They’re not showing you disobedience. They’re showing you discomfort.

I work across Sydney, 1:1 with people and offer personalise support.

Plus, inside Canine Caregivers, my online platform of webinars and courses, I help you understand what your dog is trying to say — and how to support them in building social confidence, emotional regulation, and a sense of safety around others, without needing to greet or manage every interaction.

It’s not about exposure. It’s about emotional safety.
It’s not about endless greetings. It’s about calm coexistence.
It’s not about obedience. It’s about understanding.

If that’s the journey you want to take…

👉 Join Canine Caregivers here
👉 Or reach out for 1:1 guidance