Your Dog Isn’t “Super Social” — They’re Potentially Socially Anxious
(And Why Teaching Them Not to Greet Everyone Is the Kindest Thing You Can Do)
We’ve all heard it:
“My dog loves everyone!”
“They just want to say hi!”
“They’re super friendly — they can’t help themselves!”
But here’s the truth most people never consider:
A dog who needs to greet everyone is rarely a confident, social dog.
More often, they’re a dog who feels socially anxious — a dog seeking information and reassurance because they don’t yet feel safe without it.
A healthy, socially confident dog can greet, but doesn’t need to. A socially anxious dog feels compelled. They can’t disengage. They struggle when prevented. They melt down, pull, whine, bark, or throw tantrums when you try to move them on.
This isn’t friendliness. This is insecurity.
And the most compassionate thing you can do for a dog like this is teach them that it’s okay — and safe — not to greet everyone.
Socially Confident vs. Socially Anxious
A truly social dog:
approaches calmly
reads the room
respects “no thanks” signals
is comfortable passing others without interacting
doesn’t become distressed if they can’t greet
A socially anxious dog:
scans constantly for dogs/people
pulls toward everyone
can’t hold themselves together when denied
becomes frustrated or emotional
can’t read other dogs’ signals
feels relief only after checking in
What looks like enthusiasm is often emotional dysregulation.
It’s not: “I love everyone!”
It’s: “I need to make sure everything is okay or I don’t feel safe.”
Why Allowing Constant Greetings Makes Anxiety Worse
Many owners allow their dog to approach everyone because they think it’s “good socialisation.” But in reality, it does the opposite.
When a dog feels the need to greet everyone, and we allow them to every time:
we reinforce the compulsion
we increase their anxiety when they can’t greet
we create an expectation that access is guaranteed
we reduce their ability to cope with frustration
we make it harder for them to regulate in stimulating environments
In essence, the dog becomes more dependent, more frantic, and more emotionally unstable.
If everything in the world is a “must say hi,” then the world becomes overwhelming.
Teaching neutrality — the ability to look, assess, and move on — is what actually builds confidence.
The Kindest Thing You Can Teach: “You Don’t Need to Greet Everyone”
This is where the real work begins.
Not punishment.
Not frustration.
Not dragging them away on a tight leash.
But through:
handling skills, spatial awareness, timing of reward and reading body language.
1. Handling Skills
Your dog needs to know that you’ll guide them, not fight them.
You need to understand how to manage a leash safely, relaxing when appropriate and not restraining without compromising the training goal itself.
This means being predictable, calm, and physically competent in how you move around others and handle the leash.
2. Spatial Awareness
Where you stand matters.
How you angle your body matters.
How much distance you give matters.
Your dog will take cues from the space you create, not just the words you say.
3. Body Language (Yours and Theirs)
You must learn:
When your dog is escalating
When they’re scanning
When they’re “locking on”
When another dog is giving subtle “no thanks” signals
When tension is rising long before your dog reacts
This is emotional literacy — and it’s the foundation of good socialisation.
Yes, It Will Be Hard at First
- There will be tantrums.
- There will be frustration.
- There will be moments where your dog doesn’t understand why you aren’t letting them go over.
But this is the uncomfortable part of growth. It’s not about “being the boss” — it’s about helping an anxious dog learn emotional independence.
And here’s the payoff:
They become calmer around dogs and people.
They can walk past others without stress.
Their world becomes less overwhelming.
Their behaviour becomes more predictable.
They feel more comfortable in their own skin.
That’s the goal — not a dog that greets everyone, but a dog that doesn’t need to.
The Takeaway
If your dog feels compelled to greet every dog and person they see, it’s not necessarily a sign of extreme friendliness — it’s likely a sign they don’t feel secure without doing so.
Allowing this compulsion to continue increases anxiety, overstimulation, and frustration.
Teaching them to feel safe in the fact that not everyone must be greeted and self emotional regulation — that it’s okay not to greet — is the kindest, most emotionally supportive thing you can do for them.
Because confidence isn’t created through unlimited access. It’s created through safety, clarity, and emotional regulation.
And in the long run, that’s what gives you a dog who is not only easier to handle — but truly happier within themselves.
The Free Starter Guide includes everything you need to begin making real progress. Hit the button below to get access.
