You Can’t Obedience Your Way to a Good Life With Your Dog
I understand why obedience is so attractive.
Sit.
Stay.
Heel.
Come.
When a dog listens, we feel better.
Why?
Because it gives us a sense of control and we like to feel in control.
And control matters. We live in a human world. There are roads, other dogs, children, cafés, fences, laws. A level of control is necessary to keep everyone safe.
But here’s the problem.
A good life with your dog cannot be built on control alone.
Why Obedience Feels So Good (To Us)
When our dog responds quickly and reliably, we feel:
Safer
More confident
Less embarrassed
Less stressed
Obedience reduces our anxiety.
But that does not automatically reduce the dog’s.
- A dog can comply and still feel overwhelmed.
- A dog can follow instructions and still feel internally stressed.
- A dog can “behave” and still not be thriving.
Obedience helps people feel better because it brings predictability and control.
But dogs also need something else.
They need agency.
Dogs Need Agency and Expression
Dogs need:
Freedom of movement
Opportunities to make choices
Outlets for instinct
Space to express natural behaviours
If those needs are not met, we see what we see every single day:
Emotionally driven behaviours.
- Pulling.
- Barking.
- Reactivity.
- Destruction.
- Hyperactivity.
- Neediness.
These behaviours are not random. They are attempts to meet unmet needs.
And often we label them “bad” when they are simply functional.
The Paradox We Must Learn to Live With
This is the real work.
We must hold two truths at the same time:
I need enough control to keep my dog safe, the community safe, and myself relaxed.
My dog needs enough agency and freedom to feel well and regulated.
Too much control? - You create frustration, anxiety and emotional fallout.
Too much freedom? - You create chaos and risk.
The art of living well with a dog is managing that paradox.
Not eliminating it.
The Secret: Control the Environment, Not the Dog
Instead of trying to control the dog directly, we control the environment.
We:
Choose appropriate locations
Set up routines
Manage access
Prevent rehearsal of unwanted behaviours
Provide healthy outlets
Teach clear communication
- We reduce triggers.
- We structure situations wisely.
- We give freedom inside safe boundaries.
When the environment is well managed, the dog doesn’t need to fight for control.
They feel secure.
Obedience… or Communication?
This is why I prefer to think of obedience as communication.
Healthy communication matters.
Clear signals.
Clear expectations.
Clear feedback.
It’s important.
But it only scratches the surface.
Because if a dog is dysregulated, overwhelmed or frustrated, no amount of commands will fix that.
You can’t obedience your way out of emotional instability.
You build emotional stability.
Then communication becomes easier.
What Actually Creates a Good Life?
A good life with your dog is built on:
Emotional regulation
Safety
Predictability
Appropriate outlets
Clear but kind guidance
Structured freedom
Obedience supports this. It does not replace it.
The Real Goal
We don’t get dogs to control them.
- We get dogs for connection.
- For shared experience.
- For enjoyment.
If we try to control every movement, every interaction, every impulse, we will create the very behaviours we are trying to avoid.
The goal is not more control.
The goal is balanced control.
Enough structure to create safety.
Enough freedom to create wellbeing.
That is the paradox.
And learning to live inside that paradox is where the real work begins.
If you’d like help applying this and in doing so, improving your and your your dogs lives, I can support you in a few different ways.
Through Canine Caregivers, I offer online courses and webinars to build understanding, structure, and consistency at your pace.
If you’re based in Sydney, I also offer 1:1 training across Sydney, socialisation and puppy classes, and can provide all recommended training equipment to support the work we’re doing.
I offer The Complete Care training program that covers every single base you will need as well as The Starter Program which allows you to tailor the training and support you need with flexibility.
👉 Join Canine Caregivers
📞 Or get in touch for 1:1 help in Sydney
— Ian
Bondi Behaviourist
“A healthy dog is a happy dog and a happy dog is great to live with”.
