You Can’t Obedience Your Way to a Good Life With Your Dog

Ian Shivers • February 24, 2026

Share this article

I understand why obedience is so attractive.

Sit.

Stay.

Heel.

Come.


When a dog listens, we feel better.



Why?


Because it gives us a sense of control and we like to feel in control.


And control matters. We live in a human world. There are roads, other dogs, children, cafés, fences, laws. A level of control is necessary to keep everyone safe.


But here’s the problem.


A good life with your dog cannot be built on control alone.

Why Obedience Feels So Good (To Us)

When our dog responds quickly and reliably, we feel:

  • Safer
  • More confident
  • Less embarrassed
  • Less stressed


Obedience reduces our anxiety.


But that does not automatically reduce the dog’s.


 - A dog can comply and still feel overwhelmed.

 - A dog can follow instructions and still feel internally stressed.

 - A dog can “behave” and still not be thriving.


Obedience helps people feel better because it brings predictability and control.


But dogs also need something else.


They need agency.

Dogs Need Agency and Expression

Dogs need:

  • Freedom of movement
  • Opportunities to make choices
  • Outlets for instinct
  • Space to express natural behaviours


If those needs are not met, we see what we see every single day:


Emotionally driven behaviours.


 - Pulling.

 - Barking.

 - Reactivity.

 - Destruction.

 - Hyperactivity.

 - Neediness.


These behaviours are not random. They are attempts to meet unmet needs.


And often we label them “bad” when they are simply functional.

The Paradox We Must Learn to Live With

This is the real work.


We must hold two truths at the same time:

  1. I need enough control to keep my dog safe, the community safe, and myself relaxed.
  2. My dog needs enough agency and freedom to feel well and regulated.


Too much control? - You create frustration, anxiety and emotional fallout.


Too much freedom? - You create chaos and risk.


The art of living well with a dog is managing that paradox.


Not eliminating it.

The Secret: Control the Environment, Not the Dog

Instead of trying to control the dog directly, we control the environment.


We:

  • Choose appropriate locations
  • Set up routines
  • Manage access
  • Prevent rehearsal of unwanted behaviours
  • Provide healthy outlets
  • Teach clear communication


 - We reduce triggers.

 - We structure situations wisely.

 - We give freedom inside safe boundaries.


When the environment is well managed, the dog doesn’t need to fight for control.


They feel secure.


Obedience… or Communication?

This is why I prefer to think of obedience as communication.


Healthy communication matters.


Clear signals.

Clear expectations.

Clear feedback.


It’s important.


But it only scratches the surface.


Because if a dog is dysregulated, overwhelmed or frustrated, no amount of commands will fix that.


You can’t obedience your way out of emotional instability.


You build emotional stability.

 Then communication becomes easier.

What Actually Creates a Good Life?

A good life with your dog is built on:

  • Emotional regulation
  • Safety
  • Predictability
  • Appropriate outlets
  • Clear but kind guidance
  • Structured freedom


Obedience supports this. It does not replace it.

The Real Goal

We don’t get dogs to control them.


 - We get dogs for connection.

 - For shared experience.

 - For enjoyment.


If we try to control every movement, every interaction, every impulse, we will create the very behaviours we are trying to avoid.


The goal is not more control.


The goal is balanced control.


Enough structure to create safety.


Enough freedom to create wellbeing.


That is the paradox.


And learning to live inside that paradox is where the real work begins.

If you’d like help applying this and in doing so, improving your and your your dogs lives, I can support you in a few different ways.

Through Canine Caregivers, I offer online courses and webinars to build understanding, structure, and consistency at your pace.

If you’re based in Sydney, I also offer 1:1 training across Sydney, socialisation and puppy classes, and can provide all recommended training equipment to support the work we’re doing.

I offer The Complete Care training program that covers every single base you will need as well as The Starter Program which allows you to tailor the training and support you need with flexibility.

— Ian

 Bondi Behaviourist


“A healthy dog is a happy dog and a happy dog is great to live with”.

Recent Posts

dog training ace freework
By Bondi Behaviourist March 19, 2026
Aggression and reactivity in dogs aren't behaviour problems. They're expressions of unmet needs. Learn what your dog is really asking for and how to help.
By Bondi Behaviourist March 12, 2026
A lot of people think the goal with dogs is simple: “Just tire them out.” Play with them. Exercise them. Stimulate them. Keep them busy. The idea is innocent enough. “If my dog is tired, they’ll relax.” But there is a very important difference that often gets missed: A tired dog is not the same as a relaxed dog. And many dogs today are not relaxed at all. They are simply exhausted. Exhaustion Is Not Relaxation Many dogs live lives full of stimulation. Constant activity. Constant engagement. Constant entertainment. They’re always doing something. Then eventually they crash. People look at this and think: “Great. My dog is finally relaxing.” But collapsing from exhaustion is not the same as feeling comfortable enough to relax. A dog that truly feels safe and settled can: Drop their guard Rest during the day Switch off without needing to be exhausted first Be calm even when nothing is happening That’s a very different experience from a dog who only stops because they’ve hit their limit. A Story From My Own Life I often think about this when I look at my daughter. She loves swimming. She loves going to the park. She’s great with people, so she enjoys coming to the pub with me while I have a pint and she plays in the play area. She also loves playing with her toys at home. All of these things are great for her. But if I tried to do all of them in one day , it would not end well. By the end of the day there is a very high chance that getting her to sleep would be a challenge. The next day would probably be a challenge too, because she’d still be dysregulated from the day before. If I repeated that kind of day again and again, her behaviour would likely become unrecognisable from the happy, well-adjusted and social kid I know her to be. And if it went on long enough, some people might start describing that behaviour as her personality . Which would be completely unfair. Because it wouldn’t be who she is. It would simply be the result of too much stimulation and not enough recovery. The Same Thing Happens With Dogs Dogs are no different. If their lives are full of stimulation all the time, it becomes much harder for them to settle. Because settling is a skill. And like any skill, it has to be practiced. If a dog is constantly being stimulated, entertained or activated, they never actually practice switching off. So when we suddenly want them to relax, they simply don’t know how. Down time can feel uncomfortable when you’re used to being busy all the time. But that discomfort is often misunderstood. People assume the dog is just energetic . But there is a big difference between: • A dog that is energetic • A dog that is unable to settle Those are very different states of being. Stimulation Should Be Quality, Not Quantity Dogs absolutely need stimulation. They also need: Sleep Enrichment Exercise Interaction But the key is balance. Stimulation should be about quality, not quantity. Even things we love can become draining when there is too much of them. Too much stimulation — even if it’s fun — eventually becomes taxing rather than enriching. An Exhausted Dog Isn’t At Their Best A dog that is constantly pushed to exhaustion ends up just like an exhausted human. They become: Less tolerant Less resilient More reactive More easily frustrated More prone to stress behaviours They become narky. Anti-social. Short tempered. That’s not enrichment. That’s fatigue. My Baseline Is Calm Instead of trying to keep my dogs busy all day, I invert the approach many people take. My baseline is calm. Throughout most of the day, my dogs are: • Resting • Relaxed • Calmly present in the environment Even if they are around while I’m doing something, the expectation is that they are settled . If a situation is too stimulating for them to relax and it isn’t about them, then I simply don’t involve them. They stay home. They rest. They recover. Because rest is not laziness. Rest is regulation. Then We Bring The Enrichment At times that suit my day, my preferences and their needs, we bring stimulation to the table. That might be: Enrichment Exercise Play Training Exploration Social interaction The goal is not just to burn energy. The goal is to satisfy something meaningful . Their minds. Their instincts. Their bodies. Their curiosity. Then, when the activity is finished, we return to our calm baseline. The Goal Was Never a Tired Dog Many people aim for a tired dog. I never do. I aim for a dog that is: • Satisfied • Fulfilled • Comfortable in their own skin A tired dog is exhausted. A satisfied dog is regulated. And those two things create very different lives. If you’d like help applying this and in doing so, improving your and your your dogs lives, I can support you in a few different ways. Through Canine Caregivers , I offer online courses and webinars to build understanding, structure, and consistency at your pace. If you’re based in Sydney, I also offer 1:1 training across Sydney , socialisation and puppy classes , and can provide all recommended training equipment to support the work we’re doing. I offer The Complete Care training program that covers every single base you will need as well as The Starter Program which allows you to tailor the training and support you need with flexibility. 👉 Join Canine Caregivers 📞 Or get in touch for 1:1 help in Sydney
By Ian Shivers February 17, 2026
I understand why obedience is so attractive.
By Ian Shivers February 10, 2026
I understand why obedience is so attractive.
By Ian Shivers January 31, 2026
I understand why obedience is so attractive.
By Ian Shivers January 27, 2026
I understand why obedience is so attractive.
By Ian Shivers January 21, 2026
I understand why obedience is so attractive.
By Ian Shivers January 14, 2026
I understand why obedience is so attractive.
By Ian Shivers January 6, 2026
I understand why obedience is so attractive.
By Ian Shivers January 1, 2026
I understand why obedience is so attractive.
Show More